Ronald Weasley: Lightweight Extraordinaire
by righteousanger
Summary: Our favorite trio is in their first year of teaching and Headmaster Snape has invited them to dinner. The problem is that Ron is a very talkative drunk, Snape always loves a bit of humiliation, and Harry is lusting after the good headmaster.
1. Ronald Weasley: LE

**Title:** Ronald Weasley: Lightweight Extraordinaire

**Rating:** PG-13

**Summary:** Our favorite trio is beginning their first year of teaching and Headmaster Snape has invited them to dinner in his rooms. The only problem is that Ron is a bit of a lightweight, and a very talkative drunk; Snape always loves a bit of humiliation, and Harry is lusting after the good headmaster.

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter et al. belongs to J.K Rowling, while the plot of this…story, belongs to me.

**Warnings:** Hint of the _idea_ of slash, with nothing really explicit; a fleeting mention of BDSM; a very demoralizing depiction of Ronald Weasley as a horrific lightweight; and (vague-ish) HP/SS. EWE.

**Author Notes:** I've been experimenting with trying to tell a story with only character voices, and this is the culmination of my attempts. Hope you like it! Please review to tell me whether or not I got my idea across, or if it was a complete disaster.

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><p>"Hermione, can't we just-"<p>

"No."

"Herm-"

"Ronald Weasley! You will not pussy out of this! You will put down that broom right now and get ready! And don't you laugh, Harry Potter; you're coming too!"

"But I wasn't even invited!"

"Harry, Headmaster Snape said that all new teachers- ergo, us- were _strongly encouraged_ to have diner with him in his rooms. _All_ of them. You can't just go directly against your employers wishes and expect to keep your job, especially when it's Headmaster Snape. You know what he's like."

"You are such an utter wanker sometimes, Hermione."

"It's why you love me. Now get ready; it's almost time to leave."

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><p>"Now, boys, you must remember that we need to make a good impression-"<p>

"Dear, I'm pretty sure that opportunity has already passed. He's known us as nothing but rowdy, Gryffindor hooligans for nine years."

"Well, now it's time to change that! We're knowledgeable, _mature,_ teachers now."

"Right, mum."

"Exactly. Now, no talk of Quidditch, inappropriate jokes, derogatory comments about Slytherin, and absolutely _no_ drinking, Ronald Weasley."

"Jesus, Hermione, stop acting like Mrs. Weasley!"

"Well, Harry, she sort of is Mrs. Weasley…"

"Shut up, Ron. You'd think we weren't grown men; mature, _knowledgeable_, grown men, with the way she talks to us."

"I'm just warning you, Harry. You know how Ron gets once he's drinking."

"Oi!"

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><p>"Hello, Mrs. Weasley"<p>

"Hermione, please, Headmaster Snape."

"Then I must insist you call me Severus, Hermione. The dining room is right through that door."

"Thank you, Severus. Come along, boys,"

"Potter, Weasley. I trust you can follow those simple directions? No? Well, that _was_ a rather high expectation. Jog on!"

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><p>"This is some great wine, Severus."<p>

"Thank you, Weasley. I'm sure your palate is accustomed to such tastes."

"Ron, you know what I said about drinking."

"Yeah, mate, you know how you get…"

"How I get? Wha' dya mean? I'm no worse than you, Mr. Naughty Student! _OH, PLEASE, Headmaster! Harder!_ It's blood y awful sleeping in the same apartment as you."

"Ron!"

"Ronald, stop drinking this instant!"

"No, Hermione, this is rather intriguing. I wonder what other unpleasantness will spew from Weasley's inebriated gob."

"Oi, Harry, remember that time that you and Creevey got so smashed you both ended up getting arrested for lewd behavior in a public space after-"

"RON-"

"shagging in the middle of- mmphmm"

"Ronald Weasley-"

"No, Hermione, this is quite amusing. Just look at the color of Potter's face! What a delightful shade of burgundy. Please, remove your hand from over his mouth, lest he try to eat it."

"I'm so sorry, Severus, it's just that-well- Ron's a bit of a lightweight. You should've seen him on our wedding night; mistook Harry and I, and- well, it was unpleasant. And, sadly, that's already happened too many times."

"I am not a lightweight, Herm-o-ninny! Say, Snape, did you know that Harry became a professor just to see your ugly mug every day?"

"RONALD-"

"No, no. I want to sit back and watch this train wreck, Potter- or shall I say, Mr. Naughty Student?"

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><p>"Wow, Snape! The oil on this pasta is extremely good! Is it from your hair? No wonder Harry likes it!"<p>

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><p>"So, how do you feel about topping, Snape? Based on the noises I hear, I'm pretty sure Harry's an exclusive bottom, but I'm sure that he loves you enough to switch- not that I'm saying you're not manly enough to top! It's just that Harry really…isn't. I'm just looking out for the both of you."<p>

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><p>"Hermione, why are you talking to Harry about gags? I know Harry's into that sort of thing, but maybe he should be talking to Snape instead about that?"<p>

* * *

><p>"Sorry, Snape, Harry's just very into BDSM. I hope you are too, or else he'll be devastated. Hopefully you know a few silencing spells; he's a screamer."<p>

* * *

><p>"Snape, did you know that Harry <em>loves<em> you? Wow, mate, the look on your face is pretty cool- I didn't know you're mouth could do anything but scowl, let alone drop open! And the color of your face, Harry! Well, anyways, it's quite odd, if you ask me. Quite awkward during the night, too. Herm and I can hear him all the way from our bedroom, can't we, dear? I'm pretty sure the amount of wet dreams he has should decrease over time, not increase. I'm starting to get worried for his little swimmers, truthfully."

"You know what, that is quite enough wine, Ron. Poor Harry's going to faint soon-well, then. I hope he didn't hit his head on the way down. Severus, I trust you can watch him until he regains consciousness? I need to get Mr. Embarrassing here into bed before he says anything truly scarring."

"It's quite alright, Hermione, I'll be sure to keep a close eye on him. I might have a few questions for him as well. Hermione! Do not wink at me. You better hope you just had a stroke, or else we might be in need of a new Arithmancy professor come tomorrow. Perhaps a Creatures one too, if Weasley does not get better. A DADA one too. Well, shit."

"It's okay, Severus, this happens every other Tuesday; they'll get over it."

"Well, goodnight Hermione. I just hope Potter doesn't rape me in my sleep when he wakes up, if anything Weasley was sprouting was true."

"Oh, don't worry, he'd want you quite awake when he accosts you, Severus. Just give him a chance."

"Perhaps… Now, you can leave, and we'll both just pretend that this night never happened."

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><p>"Good morning, Severus. Why are you so late for breakfast? Oh, hi Harry, I didn't see you- is that a <em>hickey<em>?"

"What're you going on about, Herm- Oi! Why are you wearing all black, mate? I would swear you didn't own anything black. And why're your cheeks going all red? What exactly happened last night?"

"Well, Weasley, let's just say I gave him a very good reason to scream last night."

"What? What does he mean Hermione? Harry? Shit! Why'd Harry run off like that?"

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><p>"WHAT?"<p>

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><p>AN2: The next chapter is the 'What Happened Last Night?' that's missing from up there. It's a full lemon, and it explains how Harry came to be marked and lacking clothing, but that's about it (besides the smut, of course).<p> 


	2. Why Are You Wearing All Black, Mate?

**Chapter 2:** What Happened Last Night? (Why Are You Wearing All Black, Mate?)

**Warnings:** HPSS **to the max**, explicit sex, oral, anal, rimming, a lecherous portrait of Dumbledore, a shamelessly fluffy ending, and, as my Pages warned me, the potentially offensive word 'whore'. I love you, socially correct Pages.

**AN:** So if you add the facts that I am: a woman, a well-read virgin, and that this is my first time writing a sex scene, I'm not quite sure what the quality of the result of those three unfortunate factors will be, but here it is. Thank you to all the people who voted for what style this should be in! As you can see, descriptive won. I'd like to thank all of the people who have read and reviewed this story, as well as all the people who have it on alert and/or added it to your favorites! You guys make my day a lot brighter.

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><p>Severus was surely trying to suck a hole in his throat, Harry thought, not as perturbed as he should have been at one of Snape's numerous homicide attempts. He brushed it aside and continued to paw at his and Severus' robes. In fact, he thought it a simply marvelous idea.<p>

Oddly, Severus was wearing a rather cumbersome robe - one that had way to many buttons for Harry's limited capacities to handle - needlessly thick for the still warm August they were in. It was as if he were wearing armor.

Weird.

After several moments of increasing frustration for Harry, and mild amusement for Severus, Severus detached from Harry's neck, gave a flick of his wand, and pushed his and Harry's unbuttoned robes to the floor, leaving them both in collared shirts-Severus' white and Harry's blue- and trousers. Without those god awful sacks around them, Severus was now able to let his hands roam. They first ran up Harry's arms, though his hair,-which Severus found to be rather thick and soft, despite it's perpetual untamable state-quickly groped a pair of muscular shoulders, before ghosting over a firm back and settling on a rather round arse.

Harry stilled as Severus' quest ended, and gave a rather loud moan when Severus tentatively squeezed, quickly bucking into Severus, causing their hardened cocks to grate against each other delightfully, sending sparks up both of their spines.

"Hm, quite sensitive, aren't we, Mr. Potter?" Severus panted against the joint of Harry's neck and shoulder.

"Harry."

"Needing to remind yourself of your name already, Potter?"

"No!" Harry yelped indignantly. "I just think if we're going to shag that we should be on a first-name basis, is all." Harry ended with a rather pointed thrust of his hips, startling a gasp from both of them, one which Severus tried to drown in Harry's neck.

"Really. I thought that you'd rather like playing "Potter and Professor". Well, we can always save that for later, Harry."

Harry looked up, as if startled by the idea of later, but seemingly not disapproving of it, as a bright smile lit up his face. He quickly ducked down and began undoing the buttons of Severus' shirt.

Severus urged Harry's head up with his chin into another deep, wet kiss. Harry let his hands drop from Severus' shirt to his waist, and Severus resumed his rhythmic squeezes to his arse.

Harry released his lips from Severus' grasp, grabbed hold of Severus' shirt, and tugged it up above his tapered waist, ripping buttons out of their holes and he further lifted it over their heads. Harry threw it to some unknown point in the room, then struggled to do the same with his own, Severus trying to push it up as well. He lifted his hips a bit to allow the obstruction to be removed, and then Severus' long, tapered fingers snuck beneath his pant line and grasped his arse roughly, Severus' large hands covering a cheek each.

This earned Severus a rather loud wail. Not quite enough, then Severus thought, intent on making Harry scream before the night was done.

Belts were undone and thrown over bookshelves and cauldrons, trousers were pushed to the ground frantically, and there was a rather awkward dance after Harry and Severus realized that shoes must come off before trousers. After their shoes were thrown angrily into the corners of the room - smashing an Order of Merlin (First Class); knocking Severus' owl off of it's perch; careening into a cupboard full of tiny, stoppered vials; and sailing right into the face of a portrait of Albus Dumbledore, whom was watching the show intently while eating lemon drops like popcorn-together they stumbled through a doorway and landed rather roughly on a bed.

Harry looked around him, and saw that the king bed that they landed on dominated the room. Not that that was a difficult thing to accomplish, considering not much else besides two doors and a bedside table were in there. The bed was done up with black and white pillows, snowy white sheets, and a soft, black comforter. Harry suddenly wondered if there weren't sex tapes out there under the name of Severus Prince or something of the sort. The room was rather conspicuously bare.

"I've just moved up here, you dunderhead." Severus said, biting at Harry's ear after he saw a thoughtful look on his face. He of course knew that that was a dangerous path, leaving a Potter to think. So, in order to diverge from that surely dangerous path, he pushed both of their pairs of pants down and off of the bed, and slowly ground down onto Harry's crotch, causing him to gasp loudly, and Harry to buck and moan up to him. He looked down and saw Harry's head thrash to the side, his arms spread, his hands grip the crisp sheets, and his straight, white teeth bite down on his lower lip.

This first time Severus and Harry had seen each other naked, they both realized several key things: Harry surely had the finest, roundest arse to ever grace humanity, which was accompanied by a godly set of hips, which were curved enough that Severus was sure he could wrap his large hands around them to give him ample support later, while still remaining strong; and that Severus had the longest, thickest cock Harry had seen in his limited experience. Harry silently thanked whatever deity had put the at-first bizarre Severus-based fantasies in his mind.

As Harry continued to thrust upwards, Severus quickly acquired the same rhythm and humped down against him, the sensations rushing through both of them causing moans and grunts to flow through the air. Severus, spying the mark he had earlier sucked into Harry's neck, worried it with his teeth before soothing it with his tongue. He continued to suck further down Harry's graceful neck, across his collarbones, and down his chest until he reached a small, hard nipple.

As he sucked that delicious nub into his mouth, Harry arched upwards, pushing his chest into his lover's mouth, released his death-grip on the sheets, and threaded his hands through Severus' hair. He wrapped his legs around the older man's waist, and slowed their grind down until it was long and sinfully arousing

Had Harry been more self-aware, he probably would have held in the noises he was making. After all, you never know when Severus Snape's acid tongue can attack, but there was no control left in him. As Severus rocked against him with those masterful squeezes, he cried out in a truly embarrassing manner._ It's almost as if Severus is trying to accomplish something..._ Harry thought. Severus surely didn't seem disturbed or put off by it, and he was making his own share of noise as well as he ground down to meet him.

All too soon, Harry could feel the gathering in his body and the world seemed to melt around him as his ecstasy traveled down his spine and into his painfully hard cock. He could feel Severus freeze above him as he came, thrashing, and arching, digging his finger tips into his lover's scalp. Throughout his orgasm, Severus removed his mouth from Harry's chest, and started to thrust his tongue in and out of Harry's mouth, telling Harry exactly what he wanted to do. Harry blinked hard, then dropped his hands to grip at Severus' sides.

"Severus, I know Ron said-. W-We don't need to..." Harry mumbled past Severus' tongue.

"You may not, but I most certainly do." Severus growled back, as he thrust his rock hard cock against Harry, relocating his mouth back to his lover's taut nipples. This action created new stirs of arousal in Harry's groin, causing Harry's cock to begin hardening again. "We are not stopping until we are well and truly done, Mr. Potter."

As Severus continued to thrust against him progressively harder, Harry's eyes slid almost closed as a spike of arousal shot through him, causing him to fully harden and his mouth to drop open, allowing moans and gasps out.

"Oh Severus…yes, yes...take me…again, and again…please, oh please, yes!" he wailed, moving restlessly under Severus' weight.

"Yesss…." Severus hissed, sliding slowly down Harry's body. As Severus moved, Harry let his legs fall from his lover's retreating waist, and planted them firmly on the bed, bending them at the knees.

Severus kept contact with Harry's heavily lidded eyes as he dragged his tongue over his collarbone, swiping between his nipples, trusting it in and out of his navel, sucking on his prominent hip bones. As his head came level with Harry's cock, he framed Harry's delightfully curved waist and hips with his palms, holding him down to the bed as he took Harry's cock-head into his warm, wet mouth. He circled around it with his tongue, lapping at the frenulum, before dragging the tip of his tongue right over the slit.

"AAHH!" Harry shouted, attempting to arch off of the bed and into Severus' devastating mouth. Gasping and twisting, Harry could hardly stop moving as Severus' tongue did wicked things to him as he also kept up the overwhelming squeezes to Harry's arse. It ran up, down and around his cock; along the prominent vein, digging into his slit, lapping up his pre-come as he pulsed and throbbed. Severus's hot mouth and large hands made such sensations explode in his body Harry wondered if he had died. If this was heaven, or if he had found nirvana or some such thing, and Severus was there solely to make him happy for all eternity, sucking on his cock like it were a sugar quill. Severus' hands gave one last grope to his arse before moving away, and he mewled in disappointment.

Severus chuckled as he quietly summoned a pot of lube, slathered his fingers with it, and his finger traced over the ridge of Harry's balls and up his spread cleft, sliding a long, tapered finger into his younger lover. Harry's legs widened reflexively, and his fingers clutched at Severus' long, silky hair. Severus ducked his head, whispered a quiet spell, and then his tongue was tasting and teasing a whole different part of Harry's body.

He licked around his finger, sucking on his lover's clenching hole, before thrusting his tongue in beside his finger, moving them in tandem. Harry was twisting, pushing back on Severus' face as though Severus' tongue and fingers could impale him as thoroughly as he was begging for, moaning for.

"Severus" Harry mewled, almost sobbing in the pleasure. This was the most pleasurable experience of his life, one he had never even come close to in his not-so-secret fantasies at night, and he was sure his heart would just give out eventually. At least he's go out with a bang.

Another two fingers slid in quickly and Harry moaned, his head pressing down into the pillows while thrusting back onto Severus' fingers and tongue as they glanced across his prostate, not quite long enough to touch it fully. Severus draped one arm across his lover's bucking hips, pressing him back down to the mattress so he could maintain his rhythm.

Severus gave a final suck before removing both his fingers and tongue from Harry's grasping hole, eliciting a pleading moan from his lover. When Harry lifted his head, his cock gave a fervent twitch, and released a gasp as he saw his lover. Severus was sitting on his haunches, his head tipped back, mouth slightly open and eyes shut in pleasure as he lubed up his large, tumescent cock, growling and moaning in pleasure.

Gasping, Severus released his now slicked cock and looked down at Harry, who was resting on his elbows, staring at him. His twitching cock looked rather red, almost painful with the way it was swollen to epic proportions and leaning against his taut stomach. Severus allowed his eyes to travel up Harry's lean, muscular body and when their gazes connected, Harry gave a nod for him to continue.

Severus crawled up Harry's body, pulling his lover's long legs up over his shoulders, placing his hands by his lover's head, and meeting his mouth with his own, pressed against him from head to hip. He grasped his cock, aligned it with Harry's hole, and thrust into Harry, whose mouth dropped open, unable to make a sound as his eyes shut. His legs shook as he squeezed his lover, and his body arched up of its own accord to press against Severus'.

The older wizard studied Harry's face, looking for any pain or discomfort in his face in response to their joining, but only saw lust and pleasure. Harry still hadn't made a sound as his head tossed on the pillows as Severus began to move, progressing to a brutal pace quickly, slamming into his lover's body over and over again. He lowered his head from Harry's mouth and bit at his love-bite, which was by now quite large. Harry grabbed Severus' head, holding him in place as he writhed up against him, seeking friction on his weeping cock.

Harry moaned, eyes closing as he relished the sensations assaulting his senses.

At Harry's sensual moans, Severus shivered, the sounds going straight to his cock. There were so many sensations washing over him, filling him. Severus could tell Harry enjoyed that little bit of pain introduced by his bite, and silently thanked Ronald Weasley for being a horrific lightweight and blabbermouth.

Severus thrust in particularly hard after Harry gave out a small, gasping scream, near dizzy with the sensual onslaught. Harry grunted in surprise, and writhed more forcefully in Severus' embrace, grinding his cock into his lover's stomach. His hands grabbed at the hips moving forcefully over him, and brought them back equally hard. Severus blinked, and quickened the pace of his thrusts, grabbing onto the headboard to go _farther, harder, better,_ into the young man beneath him. Harry mewled as he met Severus' hips roughly, feeling his lover hitting that amazing live wire inside him…

The sounds coming out of Harry were deadly arousing noises of pleasure, interspersed with the odd grunt or plea or demand that Severus fuck him 'harder, deeper', even though their pace was already causing the bed to thrash into the wall. The slick, wet sound of his cock pulling nearly all the way back out on each stroke before slamming back in, and the subsequent yells and moans Harry released, were bouncing off of the stone walls around them, reverberating in their bones.

"Is this what you wanted, Harry? What you moaned and screamed for in the night?" Severus grunted, twisting a hand down to Harry's chest, harshly plucking at a nipple, earning a long moan from the man beneath him. "You knew I would fuck you like this, knew only I could do this for you, make you scream, your pretty face with it's whore's mouth begging for my cock." All Harry could do was thrash and wail as Severus resumed tongue-fucking his mouth.

"Severus…" he sobbed between near vicious stabs past his lips as his lover fucked his mouth, "Please, please…come in me… Please… I need it…I need you...I need to come with you."

The elder man growled, and moved his hands to clench on Harry's arse, earning him a yell as Harry ground down into them. He deliberately bit down on Harry's lip and pulled the flesh in his hands wide apart so the wild slapping sounds of his hips ramming down against Harry's flesh were that much clearer.

Harry pried their lips apart and buried his face in his lover's neck and shook, unable to bear the battering of flesh into flesh, his needy, weeping cock being scraped between their bodies, moaning near constantly as his former professor oh-so-efficiently melted his body in pleasure, his mind a blank slate. "Yes…yes. I-oh…oh…please! I…. Ohhhhhh…"

At Harry's stuttered words, Severus doubled his thrusts, slamming in and stretching Harry's abused hole so much he was actually pulling free and grinding back in on each stroke. This added friction to his cock and Harry's hole sent them quickly spiraling into climax. Harry screamed as he came, his throat raw, thrashing and arching against Severus' still pounding weigh. He felt like he would never stop coming, forever trapped in the painfully pleasurable whirlpool of sensation.

As Severus heard Harry finally scream, and his lover's hole clench down, strangling his cock, he plunged in violently once more, coming so hard all he could see were stars and a pair of sated green eyes. As he finally finished what was possibly his most pleasurable orgasm ever, he let his weight drop on his lover, not yet pulling out.

Harry moaned as he pulled the black comforter over them, turning them to the side and snuggling back against Severus' chest, quickly fall into sleep, a soft, pleased smile on his face.

Severus gazed down at him for a minute before adopting the same look, then buried his face in his lover's neck and followed Harry to sleep.

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><p>"Severus?"<p>

"Yes, Harry?"

"We probably should have been more careful while undressing last night."

"...Why?"

"Well, both of our shirts are sitting in numerous pieces around the room- mine looks like it was in the fire, one of our belts seems to have been eaten by The Monster Book of Monsters while the other looks like it was dissolved in a cauldron, My shoes have little bit of glass or unknown potions in them while your owl seems to have made a roost out of yours. Also, Dumbledore looks a little too...relaxed for my tastes..."

"Well, I do own other clothes, you know. You could always borrow them, treating them with the utmost care, of course."

"What if I don't, Mr. Headmaster? After all, black is my least favorite color. I might have to do it just to keep up appearances, you know."

"Then I'm afraid that I'll need to show you what I do to my naughty students, Mr. Potter."

"You're on."

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><p>AN2: This was my first sex scene, so I would really appreciate it if you could review and tell me what was glaringly wrong, or what was right, or what was awesome; stuff like that. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!<p> 


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